Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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