I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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