there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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