I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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