It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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