Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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