ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
