It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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