I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When did angry sex become our thing?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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