I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
