drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
