is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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