Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So. Much. Porn.
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