she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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