Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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