Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
