WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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