why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
