In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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