Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
