So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
