whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
