A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
