i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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