One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
