the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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