peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
