I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
