Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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