Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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