he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
