His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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