HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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