Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
