Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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