Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
