Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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