What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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