I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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