His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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