whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
