so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
