Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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