the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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