yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
