Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
