just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
