My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
