Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
