Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
