I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
