Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
