oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
