is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
