I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
