doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
