Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
