The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
