woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
