ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You left your phone here
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