dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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