I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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