And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
