i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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