The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
