remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
