I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
