meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We don't watch enough power rangers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
