I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
