literally had 100 drinks last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
