the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
